Fear

What is fear, really? Is it being afraid of failure? Or what about being afraid of letting others down? Or maybe it's watching your otherwise perfect world come crashing down around you. Whatever fear is, I've had enough of it and I'm taking back my life. When I last visited my little blog I had just finished my first half-marathon and life was moving along smoothly. But in reality, because life is full of surprises, we hit a few little speed bumps and detours along the way. These obstacles arent't there to throw you off track, they are there to make you slow down and actually live. So,as 2011 came to a close I decided to make some changes. The biggest and most important change was changing jobs from one I loved to one that scared the hell out of me. I left my world of itty bitty babies and became a nurse for all ages. I traded isolettes and PICC lines for exam tables and ports. I traded NG feedings for people who had big time GI issues. I traded fentanyl drips for the Pain Clinic and I traded those itty bitty faces for the faces of who they would grow up to be once they graduated from the NICU.

And so today...nearly 4 months after I stepped outside of my comfort zone, I realized that I have overcome my fears and developed a new confidence in the process. I've learned to embrace life and all it has to offer and never look back. And I've learned time management big time.

I'm still running but now instead of long stretches of time off I have 2 days and in those 2 days I have way too much to do. In February, my trainer asked me to tell him what had to go. He said, it's ok to say running. I quickly replied, it's not the running, that's what keeps me sane. As I told Bob about this conversation, he quickly replied, "did you tell him it was me?" Funny but maybe true. I chose this crazy 5 day a week schedule so that I wouldn't miss life on the weekends and so I could enjoy more time with my family. In the process I've managed to keep running by joining the Groupie Runs on Sunday mornings and that led to the formation of the CVS Girls on Tuesday nights. I joined the Life Time Run Club led by my trainer on Saturdays and some days I just run alone.I recently finished my 2nd Half Marathon with Rock the Parkway and Bob was right there cheering me on and together we cheered for Ashley as she crossed the finish line.

I've been able to watch Abby cheer and Austin play rugby. I've been to visit my mom and spend the day with Ryan in Manhattan. But most importantly, I cook dinner at night surrounded by the energy of my family and thank God that even though I feared change, I took a leap of faith so that I could enjoy what matters most.