Chills

Last night I felt fortunate enough to get away from work early to get a little bit of strength training in before running with the Lifetime Run Club. I've been enjoying having a bit more free time now that school is out for the summer and our crazy hectic schedule is slowing down. It was hot and I felt like I had drank enough water throughout the day to stay hydrated. I started off a little faster than my normal pace but still well behind most of the group. I didn't care; all that mattered was enjoying a run on a beautiful night. I spent that time reflecting on my running journey over these past 3 years. I never had any intention of being a runner. It was something I felt compelled to do following the death of my brother in law. During those first days following his sudden passing, I spent many sleepless nights worrying about my sister and her 3 small children. That led me to get up early each day to walk. However, walking was no longer enough. I wanted to run. I started slow, sometimes running less than a block at a time but by the end of that summer I was running several miles at a time. Since that time I have run two 5K's, two Half Marathon's, the Trolley Run and Ragnar Chicago. While I still have so much to learn, I feel like I should know enough to listen to my body. More often than not though I take chances and push myself a little harder. Last night I made a mistake, I pushed hard for the first 2 miles and really felt carefree. Halfway into mile three I began to feel the effects of the heat. I knew I should slow down and take it easy but I kept telling myself I could push through it. As soon as my Garmin signaled 3 miles I stopped. I had nothing left to give. I walked back to the club telling myself it was no big deal but deep down I was frustrated. I drank my water and headed home but soon the chills set in. These were teeth chattering, just can't get warm kind of chills. I put on a sweatshirt and wrapped up in a blanket but nothing helped. After 2 hours I finally took a hot bath and warmed up. Looking back I realized I was probably very dehydrated and was having a bad reaction to the heat because once I warmed up I had a horrible headache. I didn't run with water like I normally do in the summer and my water intake over the holiday weekend was less than stellar. These were great lessons to learn (or relearn) before the heat and humidity really set in.

Today I had chills of another kind. As I left work I began receiving a flurry of text messages from my sisters. First Jaime, "Did Erin seriously deliver TODAY? What are the chances?" Today is the 3rd anniversry of Chris's death. Erin is my sister-in-law by marriage and she was expecting a little boy next week. Her husband, Greg, is Chris's brother. We became very close to Erin and Greg and their sweet children, Amelia and Graham, while they lived in Kansas City. We lived close to each other, went to the same church and celebrated many holidays together. We miss them every day because they were the closest thing to family we have here and we look forward to seeing them whenever possible. My next text was from Betsy and it stopped me in my tracks. "I am thrilled to share the following news that at the exact time Chris collapsed three years later Maxwell Christopher Weier was born. Erin went in today a week earlier than her due date. God is good!" Yes, God is good! Congratulations Weier family! We love you and miss you! We can't wait to meet baby Maxwell and I hope he is blessed with Chris's laugh!

Making Memories

So here's the deal, so much of my time is spent being a wife, mom, nurse, housekeeper, laundry goddess...insert your own here, that many times I forget to sit back and make memories. However, I'm sure I make them for my children. They will remember how stressed and frazzled I got, or how I asked them to do "hard-core family clean-ups" or how I was forever nagging them to please put their dishes in the dishwasher,  make their beds or just de-clutter the kitchen (please!). Are those the moments I want them to remember or are the moments I cherish the ones I want them to remember? The following conversation took place at my house last week as we were rushing around frantically trying to get ready for Baccalaureate. It was an event that made me smile and warmed my heart for the rest of the night because for once instead of planning everything down to the last minute detail I left life up to chance and just enjoyed the moment. This is the only picture I have of that night but it doesn't really matter because the memories will always be in my heart.

 "Can I wear my pink fishy tie? What about pants? Can I wear my khakis and Sperry's? No, I don't want to wear my black pants. I'm going to wear my khakis. Do I have to tuck my shirt in? Do I even have to wear pants? I'm not going to wear pants because no one will see what I'm wearing under my gown."  And I just laughed. I laughed because the tension was a little high at my house. I laughed because he was right...no one would see under his gown. And I laughed because in the grand scheme of things it just doesn't matter, it's no big deal. I gave up control and enjoyed the moment and believe me that was such a freeing moment for me. I don't have to control everything, life doesn't have to be perfect. Sometimes a perfect life comes from all of our imperfect moments and there we have it...making memories.

5 Months

Five months ago I ran a Half-Marathon. Yesterday, in anticipation of my next Half-Marathon I was supposed to run a 10K with my BRF's (Best Running Friends) but unfortunately that race didn't happen for me. After months of training (yes I have been silent but I have never quit running) I finally gave in to the fact that I have an injury that needs to be addressed. I hate feeling like a quitter but I had to realistically look at what my ultimate goal is...a 10K or another Half. Reality set in, my ultimate goal is the Half (3 in 2012 if I'm lucky) and the Run for Mercy was just a race I was using to shake some of my jitters before next weekend's Rock the Parkway Half-Marathon. My training for this race has been so great and so much fun and all because of these girls. I've known Robyn forever because we have worked together for years and believe me she has always been an inspiration to me as a runner. Last fall, she and I shared training stories as she and her friend Jennifer trained for the Kansas City Half-Marathon. As luck would have it we decided to go to the Sunday Groupie Runs for Rock the Parkway to train for our next half. However, she couldn't make it to the first training run in January so I decided to brave the cold and go solo. I was feeling tired and very out of shape that first morning and a nice girl offered to run with me. We talked the first 2 miles and had a great time. We talked about our past races and our future plans. I was hoping to see her again but with 150 other runners I wasn't sure that would happen. In a strange twist of fate, I got to work the next morning and Robyn said, "I can't believe out of all of those people there you ran with my friend Jennifer." And from there, new friendships formed and old bonds were strengthened. These girls motivate and inspire me. We cheer each other on and laugh at our mistakes and along the way we find crazy races to run. Jaime and Indy may have #perfect strangers, but I have the Shawnee Runner Girls, my own little group of "Perfect Strangers".

Fear

What is fear, really? Is it being afraid of failure? Or what about being afraid of letting others down? Or maybe it's watching your otherwise perfect world come crashing down around you. Whatever fear is, I've had enough of it and I'm taking back my life. When I last visited my little blog I had just finished my first half-marathon and life was moving along smoothly. But in reality, because life is full of surprises, we hit a few little speed bumps and detours along the way. These obstacles arent't there to throw you off track, they are there to make you slow down and actually live. So,as 2011 came to a close I decided to make some changes. The biggest and most important change was changing jobs from one I loved to one that scared the hell out of me. I left my world of itty bitty babies and became a nurse for all ages. I traded isolettes and PICC lines for exam tables and ports. I traded NG feedings for people who had big time GI issues. I traded fentanyl drips for the Pain Clinic and I traded those itty bitty faces for the faces of who they would grow up to be once they graduated from the NICU.

And so today...nearly 4 months after I stepped outside of my comfort zone, I realized that I have overcome my fears and developed a new confidence in the process. I've learned to embrace life and all it has to offer and never look back. And I've learned time management big time.

I'm still running but now instead of long stretches of time off I have 2 days and in those 2 days I have way too much to do. In February, my trainer asked me to tell him what had to go. He said, it's ok to say running. I quickly replied, it's not the running, that's what keeps me sane. As I told Bob about this conversation, he quickly replied, "did you tell him it was me?" Funny but maybe true. I chose this crazy 5 day a week schedule so that I wouldn't miss life on the weekends and so I could enjoy more time with my family. In the process I've managed to keep running by joining the Groupie Runs on Sunday mornings and that led to the formation of the CVS Girls on Tuesday nights. I joined the Life Time Run Club led by my trainer on Saturdays and some days I just run alone.I recently finished my 2nd Half Marathon with Rock the Parkway and Bob was right there cheering me on and together we cheered for Ashley as she crossed the finish line.

I've been able to watch Abby cheer and Austin play rugby. I've been to visit my mom and spend the day with Ryan in Manhattan. But most importantly, I cook dinner at night surrounded by the energy of my family and thank God that even though I feared change, I took a leap of faith so that I could enjoy what matters most.