This morning, as with just about every other Saturday morning, I headed to Lifetime to run with the Run Club. I was tired after a late night with friends and just couldn't decide how far I wanted to run. Things haven't gone great lately and distance has not been my friend. As luck would have it, we had very few members today because the others were off running races or spending time with loved ones. It was a beautiful morning but I just wasn't feeling capable of the 8-10 a few people were running (and who am I kidding, I never could have kept up with them) but I was feeling more than the 1 mile our beginner was running (don't get me wrong, running even a block is great when you are just starting out so, you go girl!). We took off and it happened. I just felt the run and that's an amazing feeling. I quit looking at my Garmin for time and decided today was all about distance and if I got so far out that I felt I couldn't run anymore I could always walk. So I ran...
I crossed Renner and 87th without fear. (OK, maybe a little. Seriously, when are they putting the crosswalk lights in?) and kept going to Shawnee Mission Park. As I do with most really good runs I tune into the music and tune everything else out. Everything including the scenery. I ran the Monumental Marathon in Indy and don't remember seeing any monuments. I do, however, remember seeing Lucas Oil Stadium. I ran Rock the Parkway and I couldn't even tell you where Loose Park was. I ran the Trolley Run and barely remember anything but talking with Katie the whole way. The only time I remember enjoying the scenery was Ragnar. At that point I was too naive to realize I was actually running a race and I took everything in. We ran on some beautiful trails through Wisconsin and Northern Illinois and I really enjoyed my time alone. Today was that kind of day. As I ran along the lake, I remembered how beautiful Shawnee Mission Park is, and made a mental note to run this route more often. I ran hills without even realizing it and kept going.
"I'm looking to the sky to save me
Looking for a sign of life
Looking for something to help me burn out bright
I'm looking for a complication
Looking cause I'm tired of trying
Make my way back home when I learn to fly high
Make my way back home when I learn to..."
I suddenly realized I wasn't even listening to my music anymore until I heard those words and they struck a chord with me. I listened to those words and I thought about what I was actually doing. My running has been lacking inspiration lately and I feared burning out. Suddenly, I wanted to get a grasp on my life, take control and make it worth living. Several weeks ago I wrote about fear and yet I still can't shake the fear of failure. I'm dying to run a full marathon but I am so afraid of not being able to successfully complete it that I can't commit. I make excuses (some valid) about being too busy to train. Hello! We are all too busy to train but we all have goals and some people are actually achieving those goals and living life! I tell my children...a goal without a plan is just a wish. My goal of running a marathon has been a lot of wishful thinking. I made it back to the club. I ran my own personal 10K. I got 6.2 miles in and it felt great. I stretched and visited with a friend. I went to Quick Trip for my Diet Coke and checked Facebook for all the postings about Hospital Hill results. (That is another race where I let fear get in the way. It is usually super hot and, of course, hilly and I just couldn't commit.) I got a text from my daughter, Jessica wants you to run the full Kansas City Marathon with her, she doesn't care what pace, she just wants someone to run with. I just laughed and said "no". For the record, Jessica is 23 and really fast!
As the day went on that text haunted me. Wasn't I looking for inspiration? Wasn't I wanting to take control? Here was my chance, I have time to plan. I could make this wish into a concrete reality. I'm not doing it for time. I am doing it to overcome my fear and complete a goal.
"Fly along with me, I can't quite make it alone
Try to live this life my own (and)
Fly along with me, I can't quite make it alone
Try to live this life on my own..."
Thanks to the Foo Fighters, some friends, and some great role models, I have decided to take a leap of faith. I have decided to sign up for this race and not look back.
