Chasing Pavement

Saturday morning! Race Day! I woke up in Indy and focused on what needed to be done. Jaime and I went to pick up Betsy and Kelly and then we were on our way. As we drove along we laughed over our crazy dreams and our insecurities about the race. Then Betsy got a text from my dad which simply said, "Stop laughing, you're wasting energy!" He knows us too well. Laughter was just what we needed to get this day started.

Quite honestly, I remember driving to the convention center but I do not really remember parking or going in to warm up. My nerves were starting to sneak up on me and I wanted to stay completely focused on what I needed to do. I was running this race solo. My sisters and Kelly were running the full marathon so unless I wanted to keep up with them until mile 7 I knew I was on my own. I definitely needed to mentally prepare for that and make a plan. I came here not only to start this race but to finish it so when Betsy told me she planned to stay with me until mile 7 when we split I told her to go ahead, stay with Jaime and Kelly and don't worry about me. My pace has improved over the past year but I knew that keeping up with them would take all the energy I had and leave me with nothing for the last 6 miles.

Shortly before race time we left the warmth of the convention center and lined up with all the other runners. I lined up with my girls near the 10 minute pacer and hoped for the best. I knew I could drop back if I needed too. The music was loud and we were jumping in place to stay warm. It felt like a huge dance party but I remembered my dad's advice to not waste energy so I plugged into my ipod and found my place. Right before we reached the starting mats Jaime looked at me and said, "Don't worrry about winning this thing, the Kenyans are already done!" And with that we were off!

I quickly settled into my stride and took it easy. My entire focus was on pacing myself. I lost sight of my sisters and friends and realized that I truly was on my own and this game was going to play out on my terms. At that moment I decided to run the race backwards in my head. Since my longest run had only been 11 miles I knew adding those last 2 miles at the end would be a mind game. If I pretended to run the last 3 miles of the race first, I would only have 10 miles left to go. Since I had trained with several 10 mile runs I knew completing that distance was no big deal. Those last 3 miles went fast and I took off for mile 4. Looking back, I may have run mile 4 too quickly because at the end of that mile my right achilles was throbbing and sending a pain up the back of my calf. At the end of the race I was able to review my time mile by mile and I ran that mile with a 9:21 lap. While it was a personal record that I am very proud of it could have caused me quite an injury.

To work through the pain of my achilles I began my mind over matter mantra and kept telling myself that I could get through anything. Because my left calf wasn't hurting as it usually did on long runs I began to focus my energy on the achilles in order to keep going. It worked and by mile 10 I was nearly pain free. However, somewhere between miles 10 and 11 my sock was starting to bunch under my right toes. I made the decision to run through a water station and sit down on the side of the course and adjust my sock and laces. Big mistake! I didn't think about how cold my hands were and the possibility that I wouldn't be able to retie my own shoe. My hands had been freezing all morning and I had made the unfortunate decision to not wear gloves. I knew I was in trouble when I couldn't open my energy gels with my fingers and had to use my teeth while continuing to run. Gloves had littered the course as people discarded them along with other articles of clothing but I didn't stop to pick any up because a) I didn't want to lose my pace and b) ewww! Looking back, I should have worn gloves...another rookie mistake. Being just past the water station I looked back and realized there was no one near to ask for help. Tying my own shoe was up to me. I stared at my hands and willed them to move. I looked for my friend Karie because she had hoped to be near mile 10 to cheer me on. She is a Ragnar TuTu who was here to cheer Jaime and Kelly on but when she heard I was running she took some time to cheer for me too! Unfortunately, no Karie. I was on my own and I was wasting valuable time. I managed to readjust my sock and loosely tie my shoe. Crisis averted, back on track!

Next came the commotion of the Kenyans. As we neared the end of the race we were rejoined by the marathoners and as I was finishing the half portion of the marathon they were completing the full. Now that's showing off! I watched them pass in awe and kept going. Mind over matter, you can do this, finish strong, over and over and over!

I'd love to say I saw the beautiful monuments for which this race was named but in order to complete this race I stayed focused and really missed out on the scenery. Along the way I recognized people who had passed me earlier, people who ran ahead, walked and then started again. Near the end we definitely challenged and paced each other. Being a little competitive I didn't want to fall behind those I had stayed up with for most of the race. I followed a pace team of 2:30 but knew I could finish a little ahead of schedule if I moved beyond them so I did. As we neared the finish line I picked up my pace and as I saw the finish line I sprinted to the end. Unfortunately, here is where I made another mistake! After crossing the first blue mat I thought I was done and slowed to almost a walk. I heard the crowd screaming, "Go! You're not done!" Oops! The finish line was still in the distance! I began my sprint again and finished in 2:26:49. I did it! I beat my goal!

At the finish line I was alone. I couldn't find my dad and I was freezing. I called Bob and told him I was done. And then I found Karie! Oh thank God! Seeing her smile and hugging her was amazing! We ran all those Ragnar miles together and I was so glad to see her. After a brief visit she was off to mile 23 to run with Kelly and Jaime for a bit. I managed to find a warm tent and sit down to eat my bagel and drink my chocolate milk. I found my dad and family and changed at the Westin. I headed back to the finish line and watched for my sisters. I watched each person round the corner and saw the pride in their faces. Some walked, some hobbled, some ran but they all did what they came here to do. They completed a marathon! And then I knew...I'm not done. October 20, 2012...the Kansas City Marathon. I'll be there, Chasing Pavement!

No Doubt...

It's official. I have completed my first official Half-Marathon. I did it with the love and support of my husband, my children, my sisters, brothers, parents and friends. Never did I have any doubt that I would complete this race because I felt so many people cheering me on.

I began this journey just over a year ago with what I thought was a very unrealistic goal of running a race. At this point I had never even run a 5K and that distance seemed so challenging to me. Bob told me if I wanted to do it that I should start small and grow. As a family we ran the Thanksgiving 5K and had a blast. I felt such a sense of accomplishment and I loved running it with my daughter, my dad, my sister and my 8 year old nephew. He beat us all. (His name is Matthew and he'll tell you, "I'm pretty fast!") We finished that race in the bitter cold (19 degrees at the start) and headed home for a day of family. Thanksgiving is truly one of my favorite holidays because it is all about being thankful for the blessings in your life and my blessings feel abundant.

After that race life got busy and I just spent my time working out at the gym. It was cold, snowy and miserable so running outside was not really a great option. My bucket list dreams still seemed out of reach. Then came February, my sister invited me to do a race that was bigger than I had imagined. I signed up for the Ragnar Relay with her team, began training and started a blog. I learned so much from that training but I still had so far to go. At that point I still felt it was acceptable to walk the hills and while I felt like I was really training, I had so much to learn. In preparation for Ragnar, I ran the Trolley Run and had a great time running with my friend Katie by my side. With just 6 weeks until the big race I felt ready. Then came Ragnar and I had a blast. I was still completely naive, I still walked a bit and I enjoyed the scenery as well as the camaraderie of my teammates. Finishing that race felt like such an accomplishment. During the race, my 12 TuTu girls talked about what came next. Many of them were training for fall marathons but I knew that just wasn't a realistic goal for me. I settled on the Indianapolis Monumental Half-Marathon. The course was reasonably flat and I would be running with family and friends. However, signing up for the race was another story.

After Ragnar, I couldn't wait to run. I ran outside 3-4 days a week and did something really stupid. I ignored the heat warnings and advisories. I had something to prove and I was going to do it. Again, I was just naive enough to believe that nothing was going to happen. Then runners started dying during races due to the extreme heat. I realized that being stupid about my running wasn't going to help me reach my goals so I headed back to the treadmill for a bit. Finally, the heat advisory was lifted and I was back outside. However, for some reason my confidence was shaken and I just wasn't sure I could do it. Jaime kept asking if I had signed up for the Monumental Half and sending me coupons and reminders to do so. I drug my feet. I was scared and I didn't want to admit it. I finally signed up near the end of September and that moment was so freeing.

Once I made the commitment to run that race I knew I would finish it. I had trained for it, I was ready. After each long run, Bob would ask how I did, and I would say that I felt good, I improved upon last weeks time and that I still had improvements to make to reach my goal. He would laugh and say, "finishing with a goal is just showing off!" Well, I can honestly say, I began that race with a goal. I wanted to run it in 2 hours and 30 minutes. I felt is was realistic and attainable. However, race day details are part of another post. This post is about overcoming fear and obstacles and believing in yourself. I have always been everyone else's cheerleader. I wasn't an athlete, I was a spectator. Today...I am an athlete!

"You can be or do anything you want. It doesn't matter where you start, what matters is where you end up." Debbie Turner, Miss America 1990

What I have learned...

Since the beginning of September I have continued to train and make many mental notes along the way. Training for this race is different than training for Ragnar because it has been a solo journey. I haven't really blogged much about it though I have thought about it many times. Sometimes we just need to internalize things until we get them just right. So here is what I have learned...

Never run with your black dog at night, you might fall (again!) and she may be afraid of the dark! I learned this one the hard way, I was dying to go for a run, it was getting dark and Rory was watching me put on my running shoes with her precious eyes and constantly wagging tail. I couldn't leave her so I grabbed her retractable leash and we hit the trails. It didn't seem really dark when we left but it was September and the darkness quickly set in. She tried really hard to stay focused but somewhere along the way I couldn't see her or the leash and we became one big tangled mess. Down I went and she proceeded to drag me just a bit. My elbow took quite a blow but I was determined not to give up. I could have sat on the trails and cried from the pain but instead I picked myself up and continued to run. I had no choice, no one was home and we had to get home somehow. Once home I realized how bloody my elbow was but it healed quickly so it was no big deal.

Next came the nasty cold I couldn't shake that kept me down for 9 days. At that point I debated whether or not to even continue training. I was behind on my schedule and my confidence was starting to give out but after talking to Jaime I realized that I could do this. She said if I could run 7 miles I could run a half-marathon. So what did I do...I went out and ran 7 miles and with that my confidence was back and training resumed with a new passion! Sometimes those little roadblocks in our lives let us know just what we are made of and you have to remember that you have choices. I also needed to remember a favorite quote- "Do or do not, There is no try!"

The shoe lesson was a little more difficult. I'm not going to lie, I like cute shoes, so when it came time for new running shoes I chose fashion over function. Sadly that didn't work out so well for me. My shoes looked great but half way into my 9 mile run my toes began to really bother me. I thought my socks were just bunching up so I made a few quick stops to pause and readjust my socks and then kept running. I really wanted to quit but I was not going to let the pain win out so I finished strong and then collapsed on the trail. I took off my shoes and socks and just sat there. I could see my house but there was no way I could walk there because my feet hurt way too much. After a while a man on a bike came along and asked if I needed help. I happily told him, "No, I'm just enjoying the beautiful day." Somehow I made it to my house in my bare feet and dug my Uggs out of my closet. Nothing beats the comfort of the lambswool against my tired feet. Then I started texting Jaime for advice. She thought I needed new socks, better fuel and some energy along the way. No problem. A quick trip to Gary Gribbles and I had Gu Roctane for energy, a hot pink Nathan fuel belt, Nuun tablets to put in my water for electrolyte replacement and Belega socks. I attempted to run a short distance a few days later and realized that none of that was making a difference. My problem was my very cute running shoes! Since I'm married to a very practical accountant I had to call him and confess to making a terrible and costly mistake. He knows me too well! He knew I chose the cute Brooks running shoes over my trusted Asics and agreed to go shopping with me to be fitted for the right shoe. Now my super cute running shoes are my super cute shoes for work! (At least they didn't go to waste :) Since my previous experience last fall and again a few weeks ago at Gary Gribbles had not gone great we chose to visit Elite Feet and I can't thank Arthur enough. He watched me walk, he evaluated the soles of my shoes and he made some recommendations on shoes that would work well for me. He brought out really cute Saucony's and the Brooks Addiction. I knew what I was getting! (The cute purple Saucony's of course!) Well, I tried them both on and convinced myself of what I needed and then told Arthur of my choice. He said, "I think you've made a good choice but I think you can do better." Grrr...the Brooks Addiction it is. Definitely not as cute as my others but definitely the right choice. Arthur is like Randy on "Say Yes to the Dress" and I couldn't say no to the obvious choice. (and Bob says they don't look like orthopedic shoes, they look like the shoes of an athlete...thanks Bob!) After 17 miles this week I'm glad I said yes to the Brooks!

Next up on my list of things learned is what to wear or what not to wear. We've established that it's really all about fashion so for now I'm going to continue running in skirts and leggings. I love my Nike shorts too but there is something so fun about running in a skirt! For the majority of my running shirts I love the Danskin brand from Wal-Mart. The t-shirts are soft and cute and even manage to wick sweat away. Or so I thought. After 10 miles last Sunday I walked into my house shaking from the cold. This was on a beautiful 70 degree day. What happens on the day of my race when I finish my half 2 hours before my sisters finish their full marathon? Freezing in Indy is definitely not on my agenda. My friend, Robin, ran the Kansas City Half last weekend and I got the chance to talk to her about what worked for her this week. She has been a fan of Target running clothes but said she was very cold after her race and would probably get some better wicking shirts for future races. Fortunately for me, Nike, Athleta and Lululemon know that women want cute running clothes so I've got lots of choices. I did choose my black running skirt, Nike tights and black Champion half-zip from Target today just to see if it would work and while it was comfortable I still came home sweaty and cold. Knowing this, I will have to find something cute in the next few days to see how it will work for the race.

More importantly than fashion I have learned about hydration and fuel in training for this race. I've been following a Healthy for the Holidays Challenge from my dietician friend, Pam, and I really do feel great. I am limiting processed sugars, drinking 80 oz. of water a day and increasing my fruits and vegatables. In the past I can really feel a difference on a long run if I didn't drink enough water the day before and now that doesn't seem to be a problem. I also use my fuel belt and Nuun tablets with Gu Roctane for anything longer than an hour. I listened to the serious runners talk about how they really enjoyed their fuel treats during Ragnar and I totally get it now. I'm still working out the details but having some fuel at miles 4 and 8 has really helped me these last few weeks.

Music...need I say more. For awhile I was training with Pandora radio but as my running times increased it started cutting off mid-run so I am back to my ipod and so glad. While I loved listening to 70's rock and some music from the early 80's while training I realized that my familiar playlist works best for me. I love to listen to a mix of rap, rock and hip hop to keep me going and if I recognize the song I can completely lose myself in the miles and make them go much more quickly. Unfortunately, when using my ipod I can't hear my Endomondo as easily and I depend on that for pacing. I love hearing my complete time and lap time as each mile passes. It definitely keeps me going and challenges me to work harder or slow down if I'm trying to go too fast.

Finally, I have really focused on the importance of stretching. In working with a trainer last year he got me hooked on a foam roll and it is the one piece of equipment I can definitely not live without! I have always been a fan of yoga for stretching but the foam roll is quick and portable and is part of my daily routine now. My shoulders have developed some pretty serious knots and whether they are from the stress at work of the way my racer back sports bra fits I'm not really sure. Stretching and learning to run with my arms a little more relaxed has definitely been a huge help.

So...with all I have learned I am now prepared for the Indianapolis Monumental Marathon which is in 15 days, 17 hours and 28 minutes!

Falling Flat on My Face and Oh, Yeah, It's September (how did that happen?!?!?)

Oh my goodness; I can't believe it's September already! I'm seriously in denial but seeing everyone post Back to School pictures on Facebook has brought me back to reality. Even harder is seeing sweet little babies I love going to preschool (or even kindergarten)for the first time. I don't know about the rest of you all but as life passes in the blink of an eye I hardly feel like I'm getting any older.

Now that school is back in session and I have a little more free time I decided to resume my training in earnest and reconnect with some old friends by having a few lunch dates. It's always so fun catching up on our lives which seem to be dominated by those of our children (definitely not complaining because being a mom is what I love most!). This past week Bob and I were even able to go out on a date with really good friends and see that the future without kids living at home could really be fun. I'm not saying I am wishing the days away but I realize now that being able to meet after work for dinner and a movie might not be that bad.

So, after 4 lunches and 2 dinners out it was a good thing that I was picking up my miles because I have to burn those calories somehow. I finished last weeks training with a 5 mile run and while my time wasn't stellar I will take it. It was hot and I've learned to make no excuses about it. In total, I ran 15 miles last week and I was even able to fit one strength session in as well. Instead of "Yoga for the Warrior" I tried "The Bob Harper Inside Out Method Kettlebell Cardio Shred DVD". Let me just say "OUCH"...while he may be positive on tv he is a beast of a trainer and I had a really hard time sitting down for several days.

Now, I am clumsy on the best of days but this week I pulled an all out clumsy move that would have made a really embarrassing YouTube clip. While walking to lunch in Westport with some co-workers I tripped on a bit of metal poking out of the ground and completely tumbled over landing face first on a metal grate surrounding a tree. Trying not to be noticed I immediately jumped up and tried to act as if nothing had happened. No such luck...my bleeding toes and bruised and scraped up chin gave me away. I was fortunately with my nursing friends who immediately made me sit down to make sure I was okay. One even went to get napkins to wrap around my toes so we could proceed into Panera. I laughed the whole thing off and then surveyed the real damage when I got home. Two badly bruised and swollen toes on my left foot, 2 bruised and scraped knees and best of all, a scraped up chin with a lovely bruise to match. That one has proven a little difficult to hide but whatever, it's no big deal. The whole time this was happening I kept thinking, "I sure hope I can run today :)". After getting home and realizing that I was just a little sore I decided to give myself a day off and resume training at 6am the following day. I woke up even more sore but fortunately I had planned to run with Ashley and Rory and there they were waiting for me so I couldn't back down. Interestingly enough, it actually hurt more to walk than it did to run and I even managed to get my time back within a respectable range. Since that went so well I woke up early again today to beat the heat (seriously, a stretch of 100 degree+ days in September, no thank-you!). My first 2 miles were amazing and then my left knee really started hurting as I realized I was compensating for my sore toes by changing up my stride. I gave myself permission to walk for a bit and was overall pretty happy with my 4 mile time.

I have also discovered that running in the morning has given me time to get so much more done. Today I was even able to meet Ashley for lunch while I was out running errands. I could totally get used to that! How fun is it to meet your grown daughter for lunch! Next it's off to watch Abby cheer which is such a treat because she has truly found a sport she loves! And just like that, we welcome September...

The Sounds of Summer

Several weeks ago I began this post and got stuck. Now, my house is quieter, the days are cooler and we are bracing for all that fall has to bring. I can't believe we are nearing the end of August and back to school time has arrived. The days feel just a little bit different now with the kids gone all day and Ryan's bed empty.

I stuck to my July plan and ran as often as possible. I didn't allow the heat to deter me and then I thought, "How stupid is this? You are running in 90+ degree weather 4 days a week and this just can't be safe." I have nothing to prove. I know I can run but being stupid about running could cost me so much more. I truly believe I have come full circle. I ran on the treadmill in February and March due to really cold temperatures and lots of snow on the ground and I ran on the treadmill the last week of July and early August due to the extreme heat. I have to admit that it still bores me a bit but I challenged myself by running sprint intervals and got back to lifting weights which I love! I realize now that I started off each leg of Ragnar too fast and I tired really easily by the end. I've watched Jillian Michaels increase the speed of that treadmill so many times on The Biggest Loser and thought, "I could never do that." Well, I can! I've been practicing sprints of 8 minute miles. It is not a speed I could sustain for an entire run but it is a speed I could train with to improve my overall time.

With gym time behind me each day I realized how quickly the summer was passing so I sat back and enjoyed the sounds of summer before they came to an abrupt halt last week. I became used to the constant hum of my air conditioner that I don't think ever stops. (Unfortunately it did stop on it's own one day while we were on a college visit and we came home to a warm house! Grrr...thankfully the part was under a partial warranty and it was back on the next day!) I miss Ryan's laugh as he watches Scooby Doo and I smile to think that after all of these years he still finds it funny. I miss his rants about anything and everything (Trader Joe's, horses, roosters and all that random stuff) and his ending everything with..."you mad". I miss the sounds of Austin's guitar as he plays OAR and the sound of the refrigerator opening all the time because he's hungry. I'm going to miss the sounds of Ashley's heels as she leaves for work in the morning but for now, she's still living at home and working her big girl job. It's taking us a bit of getting used to because she's technically an adult and she spends very little time here but I guess we shouldn't expect her to. I miss talking with Abby and going to the gym. One day we got up early to go work out and came out of our rooms dressed alike. Oops! She was a good sport about it and did't seem embarrassed at all.

So hopefully today was our last blast of 100 degree weather. I am reluctantly ready for fall and all that it brings...football, soccer, homecoming and the Monumental 1/2 Marathon. Yes, I am training for my next adventure. I began my official training this week and while my time has suffered a little these past few weeks my motivation is back and I can't wait to check each training day off of my checklist. With 9 weeks left to go I should be ready. Fall starts now...

No Excuses Monday!

It's been one month since Ragnar and while I have continued run, I sort of lost my motivation along the way. The first 2 weeks post-race I was nursing a sore hip and a damaged toenail so I focused a little more on strength training and yoga. Both were great and challenging but when running, I wasn't pushing myself anymore. I would run a bit and then take a water break and walk for awhile. I told myself it was ok because I was still moving and then I realized that I was making excuses. Oh that's right...EXCUSES!!! What kind of hypocrite am I? I don't allow my children to make excuses so why am I allowing that behavior from myself. When Ashley was training for Ragnar and she said she was "trying" to run but she was busy I would give her the no excuses line..."Do or do not, there is no try!" So last night as I was checking my emails I came across an amazing blog called, "Carrots 'n' Cake". It was just what I needed. I felt like I found a new best friend and loads of motivation! She focuses not only on running but on how to fuel her body. That is one thing I learned so much about while training for Ragnar...fuel! She even gained 10 pounds while training for her first marathon and I noticed it was much harder to keep my weight where I liked it while training. Instead of the usual 2 pound fluctuation I like, it was more like 5-7 pounds. Definitely not ok!

So here we are on Monday morning. It's a new week and rather than using the extreme heat as an excuse I got up really early and ran 3.6 miles. I carried my water but didn't let myself take a drink until I really felt like I needed it and I pushed myself harder than I have pushed myself in a long time. I let my mind wander and I reflected on all that I have done over the last month...it is summer after all! I've gone to the pool and caught up on some reading. I've smiled when Austin comes to me and says, "Mom, are we going to the pool today?", because he's 17 and can go to the pool by himself if he wants and what he wants is to still go with his family on occasion. I've laughed as I look at the boys laying out poolside because I remember when they were 2 and 5 and wore matching flag swimming trunks because it made locating them so much easier. The girls and I have gone to the movies and Bob and I have managed to squeeze in a few dates (and celebrate our 25th Anniversary) along the way. Abby has been to Des Moines to visit her cousins and then she and Bailey (a Cali-Jaeger) came back to Kansas for a few days of fun. Ryan survived another DU Summer Chapter with lots of stories and Ashley started her big girl job after graduating from K-State and finally bought her first car. We've begun a Harry Potter marathon in anticipation of the last movie coming out this week and we've all signed up to be on the National Bone Marrow/Be the Match registry because Fitzgerald is no longer free. (please consider joining as well because you never know when you might be the one match that can save a life!) And tonight, my sweet baby girl returns from her youth trip in Colorado just in time for the 3rd movie, "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban" and 7am cheer practice in the morning.

It would be very easy to get caught up in excuses but that's not who I am anymore. Ragnar taught me that I am stronger than I ever knew. Now it's time to start training for that 1/2 Marathon on my bucket list. I still haven't decided if it will be the Monumental in Indy or the Waddell and Reed in KC because I am waiting to hear an official date for Abby's cheer competition this fall. Either way I will be out there training (minus my TuTu sisters this time) because this time I have to run the distance all by myself and there will be no one to hand my slap band off to at the next exchange. However, I know that while this one might be solo we will all be right there for each other with our never-ending love and support.

And tomorrow...it will begin just like today...a piece of toast with a smear of peanut butter and a 4 mile run because I don't have time for excuses!

The Finish Line (Ragnar Recap)

Writing about the whole Ragnar experience was both difficult and amazing because that experience is one that will forever be with me. In so many ways it was the challenge of a lifetime. It made me realize that I am stronger than I ever knew and also that I have so far yet to go. These women and their stories became my idols and my inspirations.

With the help of 11 other amazing women we crossed the Finish Line and it was bittersweet. We saw Carrie racing toward us and we cheered like mad and, as she reached us, we ran with her. We ran (or as Kelly says, hobbled) together as a team and finished as a team. We received medals, t-shirts and had photos taken. Exhaustion was beginning to set in but I didn't want the moment to end. Do you know the feeling when you plan and prepare for an event and then as it draws to a close you feel sad that it's over and grieve just a little? That's what the end of Ragnar felt like to me. But now, almost 2 weeks later, I can smile and realize that Ragnar wasn't an ending but a beginning. I used to think I only had a few years left to challenge myself and now I know that I have my whole life left to try new things. My kids tease me that 40 is the new 20. Well, I am way past that and stronger than ever. Up next the Indianapolis Monumental 1/2 Marathon, 134 days and counting!

"The Closer"

After spending an emotional day Monday reliving our adventure and trying to put the experience into words, I realized yesterday that I neglected to talk much about one of our key players, "The Closer", aka, Karie. She ran in the #12 spot and she was amazing! She quietly sat in the back of the van waiting for her turn to run, she cheered us on, laughed with us and cried with us. Before the race, none of us knew her and if you are thrown into a room (or a large van) with 3 sisters and a niece, you may feel a bit overwhelmed. Karie fit right in with us and just got down to business every single time she ran. She had some incredible distances to cover and she did it with a smile. Thanks Karie for being in our van and being a part of our team! We were blessed to have had you with us!

Ragnar Relay Chicago 2011

Wow! It's hard to believe that the Ragnar Relay is over! I still have a hard time believing that I was there and that I ran such an amazing race with such an amazing group of women. We started as strangers, friends, sisters, mothers, daughters and we ended as family...a family of 12 Tutus and 24 Tatas. We were on a mission to successfully complete this race and we did! We ran 197 miles from Madison, WI to Chicago, IL and we did it with an average 10 minute per mile pace! So, how did it all play out...

Day 1, Leg One, We have a lost runner...

The race started on a cold, drizzly Friday morning (not at all the weather we had hoped for) in Madison. Rather than taking team photos outside in the sun and grass we resorted to the hotel lobby at 5:45am. Van 1 (Kelly, Erin, Amanda, Laura, Kerri and Ashley W.) headed to the starting line and we joined them at 7 to see them off. They then began chasing their runners over the next 6 exchanges. Van 2 (Jaime, Betsy, Amy, Ashley J., Melissa and Karie) checked into exchange #6 and waited for them. Ashley J. was running in the #7 spot and took the handoff from Kelly. We raced to our next exchange only to receive a phone call from a very frustrated Ashley that she was 2 miles off course along with 5 other runners. Early on, she had reached a sign that said, "turn left", however, the sign was located at an area with 2 lefts which was quite confusing. Ashley followed the other runners and they all ran the wrong way. Fortunately, Kelly and Van 1 drove past her, quickly turned around, and picked up Ashley and the other runners and took them back to the point at which they had made the wrong turn. They made a quick adjustment to the sign, steered other runners in the right direction and contacted Ragnar to fix the situation (which they did). Unfortunately for Ashley, she ended up running 6.7 miles instead of the anticipated 4.7. Great Job Ashley because you rocked it and got right back in the race!

We continued through our cycle with few problems and had a blast! The feeling of excitement as I waited for my first handoff from Jaime is one I will never forget. My iPod had the perfect running playlist thanks to Abby putting it together for me and I was ready to go. When I saw Jaime coming up the trail I couldn't help but jump up and down and dance as I watched her because I knew all that I had trained for had finally arrived. In many cases while our runners were on the course we could drive by and cheer them on but my runs were primarily on wooded trails so I was on my own with my music, thoughts and a few other runners along the way. I was so glad that I had prepared for this with positive thoughts because running this leg was really no big deal as I had told myself many times before. As I came upon the exchange and saw Betsy I felt a huge sense of accomplishment that all of my training had paid off. 5.6miles, done!

Day One/Two, Leg Two, "It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light." Aristotle Onassis

At Exchange 12, we again met with Van 1 and switched off. It was 7:30pm and darkness was quickly approaching. A dense fog was settling over the area and it had started to drizzle again. Great...we were already running in the dark, on trails with no light, and now we had to deal with fog and drizzle too. We decided to head to Milwaukee for a quick dinner at a cute little Italian restaurant only to get a phone call from Van 1 saying that their legs were going quicker than expected and to meet them at Exchange 18 by 11:30. Since it was already almost 9:00, we decided to get our food to go so we could eat it later. No time for eating pasta when we would all be running again soon! We headed to exchange 18 to get cleaned up and try to get a bit of rest before our next legs. Kelly came running into the exchange at about 11:45and off Ashley went in her tutu. We decided it was best to continue to wear the tutus during the night running because they made it easier to locate our runners in the dark.Fortunately, we were able to leap-frog the next few runners so that we could keep track of them. It was pretty scary to be running in the pitch black night with nothing but your own head lamp and the tail lamps of those in front of you to guide you.

I had a love/hate relationship with this leg. It was my shortest and easiest run, yet I was running without an iPod for safety reasons and I was running at 2am on no sleep. I had enough energy in my legs but the darkness was eerie, I was alone on a trail and all I could see was the bobbing tail lights far ahead of me. I knew I was safe as long as I saw them but it was still unsettling to have them so far away. I normally carry a water bottle with me in case I need it but on this leg I chose to carry a flashlight instead. My saving grace was the few wonderful volunteers who appeared out of nowhere along the trail as I would cross the road and head back into the night. I finished the leg alone on a country road and as I crossed the finish, Betsy and Melissa were there with their smiles and cheers. The negative thoughts just slipped away!

As I was walking to find our van, I happened to see the van I had been looking for all day, "The Sisterhood of the Travelling Vans"! I knocked on their window and they looked a little hesitant to roll it down but they did. I asked if any of them knew my friend from Kansas City and at first all I heard was "no". (Oops! Maybe I had the wrong van.) The person in the passenger seat leaned forward and said, "That's my sister-in-law! How do you know her and how did you find me?" So, there you have it, Social Networking at it's best...my friend in KC told me on facebook that her sister-in-law was also running the race and what her team's name was and I found her in the middle of the night in a field in Wisconsin! That was just one of the many things that made this race so great!

Day 2, Leg 3, "It's weird...you know the end of something great is coming, but you want to hold on just for one more second...just so it can hurt a little more."

I somehow woke up in a church parking lot at about 7:30 in the morning on this day and wasn't really sure how I got there. I had been driving after our last major exchange at around 4 but when we pulled over for gas I just couldn't stay awake any longer. Betsy resumed driving and Melissa took over as the navigator. Thank you both so very much!!! I just remember that awful feeling of wanting to sleep so badly and it brought back many memories of when I worked nights and could barely make it home in the morning. Thanks to the 2 of you, we didn't end up in a ditch somewhere but I know it meant you didn't get much sleep either.

The energy on this morning was much more subdued compared to the previous day. Everyone was exhausted and dreading their final run. We pulled out the foam roller and attempted to stretch our sore muscles and tried to eat a bit before our turns came again. Kelly came running in for the exchange at about 8:30 and with that, Van 1 had completed their legs. They looked so completely relieved! They headed into the city for showers and sleep and our day was only beginning! I was so worried about Ashley for this last run, she wasn't feeling well and her knee was in so much pain. However, she was a trooper, she hit the trail and did a combination of walking and running and kept us on track! Next up was Melissa who had 10 grueling miles ahead of her and of course she rocked it! She passed off to Jaime who is truly inspiring to me because for one, she is my baby sister and I am so proud of her because she has such a passion for all that she does. She feared she would never see her boys again during her night run yet she braves the streets of downtown Indianapolis at 5:30am one day a week to run with Back on My Feet (BoMF), the organization which Ragnar was supporting. She runs with homeless men and is truly helping them to get their lives back on track. I only hope she is as inspiring to them as she is to me! (and of course, she too rocked every single leg! She ran the longest total distance of all of us and still managed to make it look easy!)

While waiting for my exchange from Jaime, Dick and Lynn Weier, stopped by to cheer us on. I was so absolutely grateful for their support and it was a joy to see them standing there with us. You see, I started running because of their son, my brother-in-law, Chris, who passed away suddenly 2 years ago. When I couldn't sleep knowing what my sister, Betsy, faced as a widow with 3 young children, I took off running. Throughout this entire race I carried a cross given to me the day of Chris' funeral in my fuel belt and I felt his presence along the way. I am so blessed to know them and I thank them for coming to cheer for the Zeller girls!

When I saw Jaime coming into exchange 34 I knew my race was coming to an end. I took off with such enthusiasm that I almost forgot I was running a race. Each song that came on my iPod had such special meaning and really kept me going. I felt such a sense of strength after training for and running such an incredible race. Maybe my blog should not be called "Finding Order" because what I have found from all of this is joy. I love running and I love how it makes me feel. As I neared the end of my leg, I came upon 2 darling old men sitting on a park bench. One reached out to stroke my tutu and wanted to know what I was doing. Of course I didn't really have the time to explain to them what I was doing but I hated to be rude so I quickly explained that my team was running from Madison to Chicago and that it was a relay race and that I really needed to go so I wouldn't let them down. On I ran, down the trail getting closer and closer to the end. My toe was hurting and I knew I was probably going to lose a toenail but it didn't matter because I was successfully completing what I came here to do. Four years ago I was a different person, I was overweight, sick and not really sure what my future would hold. The words of of the nurse calling after my MRI echoed in my head, "cancer cannot be excluded". I remember thinking, "Oh no, not this time, I was going to get my life back and I was going to make a difference; I had too much living left to do." I got a 2nd chance at my life and I've never looked back. I ran in my pink tutu for my cousin, Katie, who didn't get the good news I got following my surgery. I run because I can, she fights because she has to.

I ran into the final exchange to my sisters and my daughter waiting for me, our journey together was nearing an end but in so many ways it is a new beginning. I look forward to running many more races with them because I have so much living left to do. I looked at Betsy's smiling face which changed to sheer determination as I placed the slap bracelet on her wrist. She's living too; 2 years ago her world was turned upside down and today she is running toward her future ready to take on whatever comes her way. Her faith in God has gotten her through it and along the way she has inspired all of us as well. We are all a little closer to God because of her and we truly value the gift of every day.

So what's next for me...after missing running the last 2 days I have decided to keep it up and join my sisters on their next adventure, The Indianapolis Monumental Marathon. While they will both be running the full 26.2 miles, I'm going to run the 13.1 mile Half Marathon. Ashley is already training for her next event which will either be a 1/2 Marathon in Kansas City or in Indy, she hasn't decided but she definitely wants to do Ragnar again. It was the experience of a lifetime and I'm so blessed to have experienced it.

Tomorrow, Tomorrow, Tomorrow!!!!

OK, I'm seriously thinking I may have a brief moment of panic. I leave...TOMORROW! I finished my last training run this morning and I just now finished my tutu, Ashley is finishing hers and then I have to make one for Betsy. Poor Jaime came down with a nasty bug and needs her sleep because she is running our long legs so I told her I would make it. Fortunately, I've got this down after making the first one and Abby has precut all of my tulle. So tutus can be checked off my list.

Next comes packing. I thought I had that together until the forecast decided to call for rain so now I have to add a few extra items...raingear, extra shoes, warmer clothes, towels, ziploc baggies and on and on and on. I already have a problem with overpacking so a few extra things should be no problem.

Finally, I now have a copy of my Race Bible thanks to Bob and I plan to review it with Ashley during our long drive to Chicago. I learned some new things today and I don't want to fall apart somewhere out in the middle of nowhere. Apparently someone gets lost every time they run Ragnar and it's not going to be me. I also need to wear white so that I am more easily seen in traffic. Oh yeah, I'm running across the interstate at some point. Can someone please remind me why I thought this was a good idea? Oh, right, it's an adventure. Got it...well I'm off for a visit to Chicago, I'll be right back...

It's Race Week!!!!!

The week of the race has finally arrived and by this time next week I'm sure I will be sound asleep in my comfy bed. I finished my training with a 7 mile run yesterday morning and while the heat was intense I was able to get through it with just a brief break and a bit of self-doubt (followed by my mantra...it's no big deal, it doesn't matter and then I was back on track). One more day of work tomorrow and then a light run on Tuesday followed by yoga on Wednesday and it's off to Chicago. I have to say at this point I am way more excited than nervous. I've trained for this and I know that I have done everything I can. So, we are Ragnar bound, 12 girls, 200 miles. It really is no big deal!

Ragnar Countdown...One Week!

In one week I will have completed my first leg of Ragnar and will be resting in preparation for my second leg which should occur somewhere between one and 2am give or take a bit. Wow! All the training, all the preparation...it is now becoming a reality! Today I figured out the approximate outdoor mileage I have run in the last ten weeks and it is well over 155 miles. Incredible, I hated the 600 yard walk/run in the Presidential Fitness Test and I have now run almost all the way to Des Moines. Tomorrow will be my last long run before the race and then I will begin to ease up on my training to save my energy for next weekend. My friend, Sue, sent me a message today and said, "Remember, it's mind over matter." Thank you all for your support over these last several months. Knowing that I have my friends and family behind me has made this training so much easier.

I started training for this race to prove to others I could do this, I continued training because I learned to believe in myself. At the beginning of my training I saw this quote and it has truly stuck with me, "The will to win is not nearly as important as the will to prepare to win."

I may not win any races next weekend but the fact that I set a goal and prepared for it is enough for me!

Hello June, I'm glad you're finally here!

10 days. Ragnar starts in 10 days!

As I headed out for my morning run today I realized that in exactly one week I will be leaving for the race. That's crazy! I've been training all of these months and now it is only days away.

I spent yesterday going through my list of things to pack. I always pack way more than I need but because I will be living in a van for 36 hours packing light is essential. I was also faced with the dilemma of what to wear. I have my favorite Nike running shorts but on my first leg I will have no support due to its location so pockets are a must. (or a fanny pack and I think a fanny pack over or under my tutu would just be a pain) Costco to the rescue! I found a great pair of yoga pants with a pocket in the waistband just the right size for my cell phone. Leg one attire...check. Leg two is in the middle of the night so I will need a reflective vest and a flashlight or a head lamp. Seriously, a head lamp?!?!?! I'd prefer a flashlight but my sensible husband thinks that's too much to carry so now I am in search of a headlamp. Nothing too big and it needs to be fashionable. Is that too much to ask? I have a feeling by the final leg I won't care what I'm wearing and will desperately need sleep but since I've come this far I might as well coordinate that outfit too. I have some favorite plain white t's and basic bottoms so that everything will match my tutu.

Oh, that's right, I still need to make a tutu. Being completely neurotic I bought pink tulle yesterday but it's just not the right shade. Seriously, does it even matter? Sadly yes, I will obsess over not loving my shade of pink and that's never a good thing. Back to the craft store.

Once I'm packed and my tutu is done I've got to decide what sort of food to pack. Definitely, fruit, Gatorade and protein bars but what else? It's not like we'll be stopping for meals along the way. Maybe some bagels and peanut butter would be a good idea but then I would need silverware. I'll have to give that more thought.

So, I need 3-4 changes of clothes, an extra pair of shoes in case it rains, some plastic bags for my sweaty laundry, a sweatshirt and maybe a rain jacket, flip flops, food, drinks, a headlamp and a tutu. Of course my camera and ipod too. Now, to make it all fit in one bag...those tutus are gonna be huge!

"My One Word"

As 2011 began I had a whole list of changes I wanted to make but as usual, the list was long and overwhelming. I was listening to K-Love one day and I heard about "My One Word" and thought, what an amazing concept!


"My One Word" is an experiment designed to move you beyond the past and look ahead. The Challenge is simple: lose the long list of changes you want to make and instead pick ONE WORD. This process provides clarity by taking all of your big plans for life change and narrowing them down into a single thing. One word focuses on your character and creates a vision for your future.

I spent the month of January trying to choose my word. I had lots of goals and resolutions but it was so difficult to choose just one word that wrapped it all up. I continued to listen to K-Love and every few days I thought, I've got it! This is the perfect word for me, only to wake up the next morning and realize it didn't feel right at all. Toward the end of January I decided to go visit my mom at her new house and help her get settled. (She of course had nearly everything done and her house looked amazing!) This weekend getaway proved to be the perfect outlet for me to find my word. I was truly able to relax for the first time in a long time. The fall had passed in one busy blur which led us into the holidays with the kids home for a month and a new puppy. I felt pulled in so many directions that I had lost my focus. I still had Christmas decorations all over the house and didn't know where to begin to pull it all together. Here I sat in my mom's living room just 3 short weeks after her move and her house looked like an ad for Pottery Barn.

As she and I sat one morning looking over paint colors my word came to me.

ORDER: purify your thinking to cut through the clutter and discover what is most important in your life.

My word allowed me to take all of my goals for 2011 and finally tie them together nicely. What is most important to me? Family, of course. Yet I didn't feel like I was quite the mother or the wife I wanted to me because I couldn't let go of the clutter (whether it be in my house or in my mind). I loved my job but felt distracted because I had too many things going on at one time. In many ways I was overcommitted and I wasn't really doing anything as well as I would like. I felt like cutting through the clutter would allow me to find what was truly most important to me and actually enjoy life rather than feeling like I was always treading water just to stay one step ahead of my very busy life.

So, what came next. Ragnar of course! Just 2 short weeks after I chose my word my sister invited me to join her on this crazy adventure. I had no idea at the time that running would actually help me to live my word. While training for this race with a busy family, job, 2 graduations, a packed season of rugby and my duties as a room parent I had no room for clutter. Running was my out. I sat down with my planner and made a training schedule. It wasn't set in stone but it was a start. I highlighted the days I wanted to train and the distance I wanted to run. I modified the schedule as life got in the way. And now, at the halfway point of 2011, I am FINDING ORDER.

Flow

Yet another week has passed and in just 2 short weeks the race that I have trained for all these months will be nearly over. This past week has been very easy as far as my running has gone. I have put my self-doubt to rest and I am finding flow.

Flow is defined as "a mental state of operation in which a person in an activity is fully immersed in a feeling of energized focus, full involvement and success in the process of the activity." In flow, the emotions are "positive, energized and aligned with the task at hand."

I have read about flow and thought about it but I didn't really know what it was until these past few days. Suddenly, when I am running things just feel right. Yesterday, I found my pace and settled into my run so quickly that I ran my first mile in about 9 minutes. While that is definitely not a pace I can keep up for long it is something to be proud of. So, as I say goodbye to May and hello to June, I think I am right where I want to be.

13 days and counting...

BoMF

I woke this morning to an amazing day because for once it wasn't raining and it didn't look like it was threatening to rain. The weather the last 2 days has been less than cooperative with my training schedule but I decided to just go with it. However, I was dying to get back out there early this morning so I could enjoy the last few hours with my family who had come for graduation before they all began to travel home. (Thanks Mom, Dad, Robb and Sam!)

I hit the trails and really was noticing how beautiful they were and was again remembering why we chose to buy our house here. We have always loved this area and backing up to the trails was a huge selling point when we bought our house. I crossed the first bridge and was headed under the second when I saw something I had never seen before. There was a man sleeping on the bench next to the bridge. His shoes were laying on the ground next to him and he was curled up in a fetal position on the bench. I wasn't necessarily frightened but just a little startled. It was 7:30 on a Saturday morning and there was an apparent homeless man living practically in my back yard. That definitely gave me something to think about as I continued along. It made me realize how fortunate my family is and made me wonder what caused this young man to end up on a wet, damp park bench in suburban Lenexa. Then I remembered the charity benefitting the race I am running. They are called, Back on My Feet (BoMF). It is a non-profit organization that promotes the self-sufficiency of homeless populations by engaging them in running as a means to build confidence, strength and self-esteem. BoMF does not provide food or shelter, but instead provides a community that embraces equality, respect, discipline, teamwork and leadership. All members join together to move their own lives forward as well as the lives of their teammates. My sister, Jaime, first heard of this organization several years ago and has since began to go on weekly runs with these men. They are adding just as much value to her life as she is adding to theirs. This is a project she is passionate about and she recently raised over $1000 for their cause. She was fortunate enough to meet the founder of this nonprofit organization and shares in her passion to make the world a better place.

I continued running along and saw several other people out enjoying the morning as well. I ran through Mill Creek Park and remembered all the soccer games my children played there when they were younger. I truly feel blessed to be a part of this community, it has a very small town feel in the middle of a large city. As I got deeper into the trails I saw something that caught my eye deep in the trees. There were 2 make-shift tents in the middle of the woods and it appeared that people were sleeping in them. WHAT?!?!? First a man sleeping on a bench and now people sleeping in the woods. I really had to think about that one because I never expected to see that in my neighborhood. This did not appear to be a campsite as there was no campfire or campgrounds. It was just 2 lone tarps strung between the trees with what appeared to be a hammock hanging underneath both tarps. Now I was really thinking. I remembered how a man named Larry had walked away from his life about a year ago and that my son was one of the last known people to have seen him since he sold him gas and a drink at a convenience store just prior to his disappearance in a local park. Weeks later, he walked out of that same park and into the arms of his family who thought they would never see him again. That park and all of the surrounding areas had been searched multiple times and I have no idea how he escaped being detected. What I saw today made me think of the many different reasons why a man would be sleeping on a park bench or 2 others would be sleeping deep in the woods. I prayed that these people would find shelter and peace within themselves. To the young man on the bench, if you are running away, please go home. Your family and friends love you and are worried about you. I believe there is hope, faith and love in this world. I want everyone to find their place. If you need help, please ask for it. And to the apparent campers, I hope last night was just an adventure. If it wasn't, I hope you find shelter in a warm, dry place. I hope you find acceptance and support from your community. I hope you are able to find a way to get Back on Your Feet!!!

I am a Ragnar Warrior!

I'm going to put the last few weeks of running behind me and start this week with a fresh and very positive attitude. After struggling to figure out why the last few weeks of training had gone so poorly I finally figured it out...it was totally MENTAL!!!! I let a negative comment about my time in the Trolley Run discourage me and bring me down.Instead of focusing on distance, I was focusing on time and trying to go faster. That plan was definitely not working for me. I don't care how fast I run, I just care about the fact that I am actually running and enjoying it. These last few weeks I hadn't enjoyed running and that made me feel awful. Definitely time for a new plan!

So last night I picked up my Marathon Training Guide again and read a few chapters. Since I'm not actually running a Marathon I had modified the schedule in the book to accommodate my needs. I had also read ahead when I first bought the book so I hadn't actually looked at it in a while. Fortunately, the first thing I came across was the feeling of discouragement that can be felt during training as the miles increase and the mental preparation starts to slip. First and foremost, you have to have a positive attitude and when your feet feel like lead you need to tell yourself they are as light as a feather. So far, I had been focusing on telling myself, "it's no big deal" but that just wasn't doing it anymore. Another thing I had noticed was that when I was really feeling positive about my running I also felt positive about everything else around me. When I started to get discouraged, my positive attitude really took a hit and I started let the stress of everyday life get to me.

After working three 12's this past weekend and being scheduled for another two on Tuesday and Wednesday I knew that having a great run this morning was the key to setting the tone for the next 32 days. (the race is in 32 day?!?!? How did that happen?) Yesterday, I asked Abby to switch up the music on my iPod because I need music that makes me smile when I run instead of random songs with a great beat. In addition to the songs I asked her to put on she added Adele and The Script as a Mother's Day surprise. (Thank you so much sweet baby girl; you have no idea how much I appreciated it!)

So today I took off running actually believing my feet were as light as feathers and the crazy thing is, it actually worked!!!! I had the best run I'd had in weeks and I can't wait for more. The next step is getting myself to believe that I can actually do this. The book says to tell yourself and everyone else that you are a Marathon Runner. Well, since that's not exactly true in my case, I've decided to tell myself that I am a Ragnar Warrior! I no longer doubt myself, failure is not an option.

I am a Ragnar Warrior...I am a Ragnar Warrior...I am a Ragnar Warrior...

A Huge Setback...or Maybe Not...

Running this past week has had its ups and downs. Last Tuesday I challenged myself to do my first cluster run. I ran 4 miles in the morning followed by another 4 miles in the afternoon. With Ragnar, I will have to run 3 legs of the race in 36 hours so it's important to start clustering some days together to be prepared. Tuesday was great; I ran into a friend along the way and while we didn't run the whole 4 miles we definately walked at a good pace. When I hit the trails a few hours later I felt great and completed the 4 miles at a reasonable pace. Cluster Run #1 done and checked off the list!

Then came Thursday, the weather was gorgeous and I couldn't wait to go running. The only problem was that once I hit the trail nothing went right. My breathing was off, my calves ached and my feet felt like they were encased in concrete blocks. Seriously, what was up with that? I took a brief break, stretched and started again. It was no better, I tried telling myself it was no big deal, I changed the music on my ipod, I thought of the reason I started running and the reasons I keep running. Nope...none of it worked. Thursday's run was a slog (a slow jog) and nothing I did made it better. I thought of all the reasons why it wasn't going right and I concluded that maybe the crazy life we've been leading the last few weeks had caught up with me. Maybe I didn't need to do everything by myself. Maybe it's ok to ask for help once in awhile. And maybe it's ok to have an off day, they've happened before just not recently.

This week is a new week and I put last week behind me. The only problem is I'm still hitting a brick wall. Nothing feels right when I run. I'm still trying to figure out what I'm doing wrong but nothing seems to be jumping out at me. Maybe I'm not drinking enough water, maybe I'm drinking too much caffeine, maybe I'm not eating the right foods for fuel or just maybe the whole Easter debacle involving chocolate has caught up to me. But then again maybe having 2 daughters graduating in a matter of days and all of the planning and preparation that go along with that has just left me overwhelmed.

As I was reading a magazine yesterday I came across a quote that really struck a chord with me. "Don't wait until everything is just right. It will never be perfect. There will always be challenges, obstacles and less than perfect conditions. So what. Get started now."

So what's my plan? I'm going to add a little more positive thinking to my life and I'm going to face life with open hands because God can't take problems from closed fists. And I'm going to get by with a little help from my friends!

Trolley Run 2011

Today I ran the Trolley Run as a training run for Ragnar. It's the largest 4 mile run in the country with over 9000 runners registered. I was a little apprehensive last night as I read my race rules and saw no ipods allowed. Bummer. Bob got me a new ipod for my birthday and my Ragnar teammate, Erin, put together an awesome running playlist. My problem was, I had never ever run without an ipod and the thought of doing so really had me a little stressed out. I need the beat to pace myself. I need the distraction of music to keep me going. So, what's a girl to do? I did what I always do, I searched the internet about ipod free running and guess what, people do it all the time. Not only is it a safety issue, they encourage it so that you can enjoy the full race experience. Since I've only run one other race I decided to throw myself into this one and see what I could do (but I did pack my ipod in the pocket of my running tights just in case :).

I was fortunate enough to have Bob drop my neighbor and I off at the starting area and then he went on to the Plaza to wait for us at the finish line. There were people everywhere and it really was a fun atmosphere. Melanie ran into one of the mom's of her piano students and in the smallest of small world moments I ran into my "pseudo-sister" Katie at the start. She truly is like a sister to me and I had the wonderful opportunity of caring for her sweet baby boy nearly 3 years ago. Since that time we have become such good friends and there are days I just need my "Katie" time. Running without an ipod, no problem, I had Katie, Melanie and Melanie's friend, Helen, along for support. The 4 of us started out together and had a really great pace. The course was wonderful and mostly downhill so it was an easy run. I loved seeing the people along the way cheering us on. There were cowbells and music and signs and more!!! Definitely a party atmosphere and I enjoyed every minute of it. As we crossed the finish line I felt an amazing sense of accomplishment in completing this run in record time for me. When the results were posted a few hours later I couldn't have been happier...I finished the race in 41 minutes and 5 seconds. That's a 10:17 mile!!!! Amazing!!! However, that's not the best part, Bob noticed on the results board that I scored in the top third of women in my age group and the top half of all runners overall!!!

Thanks to all the people along the route, the 3 amazing women running beside me and my really great, super supportive husband who got up early on a Sunday morning to cheer me on I have now accomplished yet another goal. It doesn't get much better than this!

"Do or Do Not, There is No Try"

Today I am 47. Today I ran 6 miles.

When I began this journey several months ago I had no idea how I would fare. The one thing I did know was that failure was not an option. I have 11 other women depending on me to complete each leg of my run. So today I woke up with a plan. I was going to run 6 miles. I was not going to try to run 6 miles, I was actually going to do it. So I packed Abby's lunch, hugged her and sent her to school. I kissed Bob good-bye as he left for work and I got dressed. I put on my "I'm Saving Babies" t-shirt and my Nike running skirt (both favorites of mine) and drank a few sips of Spark, my energy drink of choice. I stretched a bit and kenneled Rory with her beloved peanut butter filled Kong and I left.

I hit the trails and I marvelled at the beauty of spring. I thought about my Aunt Debbie who would have celebrated her 58th birthday yesterday if breast cancer had not taken her from us much too soon. I cleared my head of all the stress of last week and I ran. I powered through the hills and hit my stride. I just kept going. As I hit the hills on the back side of my run I took a brief water break and kept going. I never felt tired or winded or sore. My legs had an energy I had never felt before. As I walked into my house 1 hour and 13 minutes later I felt an amazing sense of accomplishment. With 8 weeks left to train I thought to myself, "No worries, I've got this!"

Today I am 47. Today I ran 6 miles.

Running with a Purpose

Today I am running with a purpose. Coincidentally, that is the name of my daughter Ashley's blog. She started 2011 determined to give back, determined to make a difference. Today we will.

I received a phone call from my sister this morning with some devastating news. Yet again, a young member of my family has been struck by breast cancer. Quite honestly, it's a bit overwhelming. I lost a favorite aunt to this disease and another has battled it twice. It is now her daughter's turn and she is only 30. She was the flower girl in my wedding and I will never forget her precious fish lips as she sat in the front pew with my parents. She is now in for the fight of her life as her cancer is Stage IV.

I have yet to mention our full team name for Ragnar because I was just a little embarassed. Today our team name takes on a whole new meaning and I am proud to tell you that we are running as 12 TuTus and 24 TaTas.

My sister, Betsy, summarized it best. "Well hello Ragnar Relay, nice to meet you. I can't personally kick cancer's ass, so I am here to kick yours. Consider yourself warned. Love, 12 TuTus and 24 TaTas"

So today I encourage you to find your purpose and make a difference. And please do your breast self-exam. It just might save your life!

This Week I Was Just a Mom...

So everything was going great with my training and then BAM! I hit a brick wall. I was feeling less motivated, the unseasonably warm days became dreary March again and my kids were home for Spring Break (in 2 separate weeks!). In addition to that, Bob and Austin were in Ireland for rugby, Austin lost his passport and before it was returned to him, Bob had to go to the UK for another week for a business meeting. This single parent stuff is tough! In my mind I thought I would have lots of time to run while I was on "vacation" with my kids but I was completely wrong. Ashley was home and needed an interview suit, Abby needed help preparing for Cheerleading Try-Outs at Aquinas and poor Ryan, I know he must have needed something being surrounded by a house of girls until Austin came home, but I was tapped out. In addition, sweet puppy Rory, destroyed the collar to her electric fence transmitter in a matter of minutes limiting the amount of unsupervised outdoor time she gets. Yes, Emma, you are right...she is Mrs. Joerger's 5th child. I decided to just let it go and hope that I didn't destroy the forward momentum I had going. Spring is tough and the job I love the most is being a mom. So for a week I was just a mom. I took the kids to dinner and shopping for what they needed, I did a billion loads of laundry, I cleaned my house. I made sure Abby got to the gym to prepare for her try-outs and I made her a killer bow (Yes, I am a cheer mom...it's in my blood!). I proudly watched her tumble over and over and never give up, even when she landed her back handsprings on her already bruised knees. I got her a pillow pet to soften her falls and she told me I was the best mom ever! I helped Ashley pick that interview suit that she never wore because after all of that she got an amazing offer as a Marketing Coordinator for the company she interned for. I took Ryan and Austin to the doctor and I confessed to Dr. Nichol yet again that, yes, Austin does play rugby (as Ryan did before him) and that does not make me a bad parent! It is not his place to question that choice that Bob and I have made together. I am proud of my boys when they put on their rugby jerseys and boots and I tell myself the scrum caps that Klumpy requires them to wear are really awesome and will protect their heads! I put my faith in God every time they step on the pitch and I trust that they will play smart and be ok. That's what this life is about...I want to make a difference and I am doing just that by being a mom to Ashley, Ryan, Austin and Abby. So today was for me; I put my running shoes back on after 6 days and I ran! To be quite honest, I ran better than I had in the previous few weeks and it felt great! I didn't worry about my stride or my breathing, I didn't have tell myself that "it was no big deal" because it wasn't! I listened to my ipod and I laughed when Sean Paul came on because in honor of my sister, Jaime, (who got me into this race) I danced with my thumbs as I ran because that's what she would do. When I got home I looked at the clock and thought, YES!...3 miles in 33 minutes!!!! Not bad for taking 6 days off. I am refreshed and back with a passion that my running lacked last week. With 10 weeks left to go, I know I'll be ready!!!

Fearing 5

For days I feared my 5 mile run which was scheduled for last Saturday. I'm not really sure why because I had run that distance on the treadmill and I knew I was capable but I let the hills in my neighborhood completely psych me out. I woke up on Saturday fully prepared to just do it but I took Rory for a walk first...and then the rains came. I can't say how relieved I was! I decided to take the day off from running and do Yoga for the Warrior instead (thank you Bob Harper!). I went to bed Saturday night mentally preparing myself for the run on Sunday and I woke up refreshed and ready to go. What a difference a day makes! I finished my 5 miles in 68 minutes...not great but it's no big deal, it's a start. And that's what I kept telling myself, "it's no big deal" over and over. I looked at the Mamba sized hills ahead of me and I ran them. I may have been slow but I did it. On the back side of my run I faced the hills again only this time the wind was in my face. That turned out to be a bit more challenging so I gave myself permission to walk if needed. That's all it took! I was fearing failure but I was not failing. Merely completing my first 5 mile run outside with about 70 days left to train was success! It was so successful, I got out and ran another 3 miles today. I was tired but it felt great and I know scheduling several runs in a 24 hour period is a necessity to get ready for this race. I don't have to run 5 miles again until Saturday but this time I know it really is NO BIG DEAL!!!

3 Months

It's so hard to believe that in 3 months my team (12 TuTus...) will actually be participating in Ragnar rather than planning for it! When I realized today was March 10th, I decided to reflect back over the past few weeks of training. In the beginning I dreaded (maybe even feared) the treadmill. We are now very good friends and I actually enjoy pushing myself. I am very grateful that I have had my gym membership and the wide variety of treadmills to train on. This preliminary training has allowed me to tweak my stride and correct my breathing so that both are more effective for me. I know that once I complete my preliminary training next week I will be outside for the duration and the hills around me are killers! I guess if I can run them on a regular basis I will be prepared for just about anything.

My goal for this race will not be measured by my time but rather completing my 3 legs, supporting my team and surpassing the expectations I had for myself. Initially when I started running my expectations were pretty low. Running had always been the last thing I wanted to do. I enjoyed walking, biking and yoga but the exertion required by running was just more than I was willing to put forth. (Does anyone remember the dreaded 600 that had to be completed for the Presidential Fitness Award in Junior High?) I still remember running those laps around the track at Dowling in our super cute PE uniforms that zipped up the front and I loved being a cheerleader because it got me out of PE during football and basketball season. It was that sort of old school attitude about fitness that helped to form my opinions of physical activity; PE should never have been an option!

Reflecting back on how I hated exercise makes me realize how much of life I missed out on. I hate that it took me until my 40's to grasp the importance of exercise and I am forever grateful to my high school friend, Julie, for telling me on my 40th Birthday that this could be my best decade yet. Those words of advice turned my world around. Physical activity isn't just for me, it's for my family! My mom was a great role model to me growing up...she was always exercising along with the TV and walking with the neighbors. She was a role model and what kind of role model was I being to my children? I expected them to participate in sports yet I got winded walking to the mailbox. Now I am preparing for a race that I never dreamed I could participate in and I'm actually so excited about it! I love that I am sharing this with my sisters and my daughter because now I am actually being the role model I was meant to be. We may be running "tutu" far but what's life without adventure!

A New Day

As I've trained these last few weeks I've had my ups and downs. Some days running feels so right and others just seem like a slow jog through mud with my lungs burning and a feeling of complete and utter defeat. It doesn't have to be this way, it all comes down to attitude, the choice is mine. As I've read ahead in my Marathon Training Guide they seem to focus alot on positive self-talk in the coming weeks. The problem is, I need it now! I've tried to encourage myself and tell myself that I've got this when I hit my stride and then I lose my focus. It's much easier for me to stay focused when I run outside because at that point I feel so a part of nature that I get lost in all that is around me. However, for now, as I continue my preliminary training, I will continue to use the treadmill with an occasional run outside as a special treat. Some of the past few days have been just too gorgeous to ignore!

My training schedule is set up for four runs each week and I am currently running about 4 1/2 miles each day. I'm still a little discouraged that my time has not improved but I have to remember that I am not in this to win the race but to finish. These past two weeks I have also added a day of yoga in the middle and it is exactly what I need. When I begin those first poses my muscles are screaming because they are so tight but by the end I am completely loosened up and energized, ready to take on whatever comes my way.

So, today is a new day. The sun is shining and I'm completely relaxed following a great yoga workout. I will continue to fill my mind with positive thoughts and the rest will fall into place. Don't worry; I've got this!

Just Breathe

I'm half-way through my training for the week and I've discovered my biggest challenge is breathing. Running is such a mind game and this tends to be a problem for me when I run outside as well. Anyway, I've tried to maintain a positive frame of mind and focus on my breathing rather than distance. It seems so simple, breathe in...breathe out...find the rhythm, listen to your feet. Once I'm able to settle in for a run the breathing comes easier but getting to that point can take awhile and wastes my energy in the process. To overcome this problem I came home from the gym today and googled "breathing while running" and of course there are pages and pages of information. I seriously have to wonder what we ever did without google because I find myself using it daily! I even found YouTube clips about controlling your breathing while running. So, my plan for the rest of the week is to continue to focus on my breathing ratio and keep it at a 3:2 ratio (inhale for 3 steps, exhale for 2 steps). I have faith that if I identify these issues early in my training I can avoid frustration as my training becomes more intense!

What Have I Gotten Myself Into?

After agreeing to run the Ragnar Relay with Jaime, Betsy and Ashley last week I thought, "Oh my God, What have I gotten myself into?" I had serious doubts about my ability to complete such a huge challenge. I looked at the training schedule online and it was overwhelming. The beginners schedule looked a little too simple for me and the intermediate schedule looked insurmountable! I took a few deep breaths and looked to Jaime for support. She assured me I wouldn't let anyone down. Now that I was committed I had to figure out the best way to train. With over a foot of snow on the ground and sub-zero temperatures, running outside was not an option. I had been using the elliptical at the gym and doing Bob Harper's Yoga for the Warrior DVD at home over the winter months to stay in shape. The treadmill had never really been something I loved doing but I realized that we were now going to become fast friends or complete enemies. I headed to the gym, hopped on the treadmill and after a few minutes I thought I would die! Why does running outside feel so amazing and running on the treadmill feel so awful? A friend recommended "The Non-Runner's Marathon Trainer" so I decided to give it a try. After reading the first few pages I was hooked. This training program can prepare a non-runner to run a marathon in 16 weeks! Unbelievable! The book, written in 1998, is based upon a class taught at the University of Northern Iowa. At the time the book was published, over 200 people had taken the course and all but one had completed a Marathon at the end of 16 weeks. Most had little to no running experience prior to the class yet all shared the same drive and determination to succeed. It was about challenging themselves to test their personal limits. I have now completed week one of my training for Ragnar on the treadmill and I no longer dread it. We are now 17 weeks and counting! Bring it on...